Another excerpt from "Sexual Anomalies and Perversions"

The following is a quoted passage from the Magnus Hirschfeld book, Sexual Anomalies and Perversions. Apparently the quote is actually lifted from a book by Wilhelm Stekel, and the quote was written by one of Stekel's patients. I have taken the liberty of restoring the censored words.

Now I have to find the original Stekel book that the following comes from, because apparently Stekel goes into much more detail about the case. Sadly, Hirschfeld doesn't mention what specific Stekel text this passage is lifted from. DAMN YOU, HIRSCHFELD!

I've heard of cases like this before, but I still find it creepy and disturbing.

* * *

Before I approached you I had been treated to two psycho-analysts who possessed very little experience, and that had been gained from the reading of books on psycho-analysis. Thus, two years ago I submitted to analytical treatment by Mr. N. My most important symptom was an unconquerable fear that my students might boo me, that they might make a 'racket' by miauling, crowing, etc.

During the treatment my condition became worse. One day I received an anonymous letter which was full of foul abuse; most of the terms referred to urine and lavatory sexuality. (Lick my arse. I shit on you. Son of a whore. Damned beast. We'll give you what for. You a professor? You're a common shit.) The letter bore no postage stamp. I found it in the letter box fixed to the front door of the Institute.

You can imagine my consternation. Anna, my wife, was of the opinion that this could only be a boyish prank. The writing was disguised. It was all in capitals, like this:

YOU... BEAST... LICK... MY...

I thought the letter could only have been written by one of my pupils. My suspicion fell on a hefty lad whom I hated in any case, for the reason that he was the tallest and strongest of my pupils, whereas I am unfortunately small, weak, and ailing, a fact which intensified my inferiority complex.

A few days later another letter arrived, then a third and fourth. I went to the Rector and demanded a close investigation. I also approached the police, and, in addition, engaged a private detective. During the time when my letter-box was being watched day and night the daily newspapers received a shoal of abusive letters libeling and ridiculing me.

The letters were all written in big Roman letters, but in the Russian language. They contained protests that a man like me should be allowed to be a professor at the High School, and alleged that I had become weak-minded as a result of sexual excesses and was neither worthy nor capable of instructing the youth of the town.

I now launched a counter-attack. I accused the above-mentioned student, had him summonsed before the Rector and said to his face that he was the author of the anonymous letters. He obstinately denied the charge. An expert graphologist thought he detected certain similarities between the hand-writing in the letters and the lad's hand-writing, but was unable to arrive at any conclusive result.

The investigation produced no result, but I was so upset that I was obliged to apply for leave, which was granted. I then began to study graphology myself.

Gradually the terrible discovery began to dawn upon me that I myself had written the letters. I was puzzled as to why I had done this. I might add that during the first analysis I repeatedly pretended to be insane and was sometimes really on the edge of insanity.