Why My Local Sports Team Is Best

Michael Coren has written a book called, "Why Catholics Are Right". I checked out an electronic copy from the library, started reading the introduction, and got annoyed. I skipped ahead and started reading chapter one, and got even more annoyed. I stopped reading. I deleted the book from my computer.

The book is dry, self-serving, rationalizing nonsense. At heart, what the book is saying, is this:

"The church I happen to have adopted, which is the most popular religion in my neighbourhood, happens to be the correct one!"

How incredibly lucky that your local sports team (who you love and support with all your heart) happens to be the best team in the world. Isn't that oddly convenient? It certainly makes your favouritism towards them entirely justified.

Does it matter what arguments are used to prop up this self-serving conclusion?

I don't think Michael Coren is stupid. He's just doing what many intellectuals do -- ignoring the emotional aspects of his being and embracing his own intellect. With the feelings buried, he's safe to work backwards from a desired outcome.

"I wish to believe X because I feel it. How can I make that possible? I will construct many arguments that indicate X is true. And now I will conveniently erase my original desire simply to believe X is true. What I am left with is many solid, intelligent arguments that show X is true. How wonderful!"

I call myself an atheist. I suppose, technically, I'm not really an atheist at all, because I like the notion of a "higher power". I just don't think it's Jesus or Mohammed or any of the other mainstream gods or demi-gods peddled at your local church. Those deities tend to be a little bland and safe. I think a relationship with the "divine" is far more personal and complicated. Choosing Jesus is lazy.

People think I'm kidding when I say this, but I'm not: worshipping Batman as god is just as sensible and good as worshipping Jesus Christ. Religion is, at heart, finding a personal mythology that helps you be the best person you can be. The many adventures of Batman have just as many valid parables in them as the bible.

A good mystic will create a personal relationship with their myth. It will manifest itself in daydreams, real dreams, imagined conversations, art, poetry, music, and so on. Protestants call this "having a personal relationship with Jesus". But if your relationship is really personal, you'll quickly see it doesn't even have to be Jesus -- it can be Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, your ideal mom or dad, Captain Kangaroo, whoever you want. You can even choose more than one. Why not?

Religion is playing "imaginary friends" but for grown ups. But let's be clear here -- imaginary friends are often more real than real friends. We all know who Sherlock Holmes is. In a way, he is more real to us than actual historical people.

This is why Coren's book -- which I simply cannot read -- makes me so angry.

"My imaginary friend Jesus is the best friend there is! He's awesome! I choose him over all others! He is the RIGHT choice!"

It should come as no surprise that Coren's book is a best seller in Canada. The majority of Canadians are Roman Catholic. No one ever went broke telling people what they want to hear.

Coren is doing the equivalent of standing up at a Batman convention and yelling:

"Isn't Batman wonderful? I know not everyone agrees, but he is the greatest super hero that ever lived! I know there have been some controversial times, such as when Batman molested those kids, but that was just a mistake and we're all over that. At heart, he's still the best choice!"

And all the Batman fans cheer.

So what? What's wrong with that?

Next door are a whole bunch of people who worship Superman. They're having the exact same conversation -- Superman is awesome! He's the best! All other heroes are crap! Hooray for Superman!

Ignoring the similarities between your god and the gods of others is divise, small-minded, isolationist, old fashioned, and so very local.

Higher education tends to knock religion out of people's heads. Why? I suspect in part it's because you quickly see that if you'd been born in India, you'd probably be a Hindu. And if you were born in the Middle East, you'd probably be a Jew or a Muslim. And if you were born in Japan or China you'd probably be a Taoist or a Buddhist.

And if you're in Canada, like Michael Coren, chances are good you'll be a Roman Catholic.

I've had this argument with Catholics before -- let's call it "the local sports team argument against religious certainty". How do they respond?

"No, no. If I was born in India, Jesus still would have found me. I would still be a Christian."

They can't see past their personal, local experience. They're like a fish in a particular pond who lacks the imagination to understand a fish in a more-or-less identical pond next door.

As the Internet connects cultures and people in a way never before possible, it is bizarre to see some people turn tail and run back to their local deities, their local sports teams, their neighbourhood gods. Michael Coren is such a man. He is ignoring a larger world of imagination, and is staying at home. He's a fish who could swim out into the ocean, and is choosing to stay in his small, familiar pond.

Or I assume so anyway. I can't read his book. The fucking thing makes me so goddamn mad.